I think there comes a point when we all wish that we had a list of the steps to get success in life. If you are still stumped as to why success has eluded you and why there are so many obstacles to get around, you will need to take a different approach to the problems you face. Do you work hard and stay late at the office while trying to take on as much responsibility as possible? Do you see people around you that seemed to easily get what they want without ever having to work hard at it? How often do you have this feeling that you’re stuck in one place and getting ahead in life just isn’t an option for you?
If there was a roadmap on how to get ahead in life the reality would be that there would have to be billions of examples. Each one of us is on our own path and the answer on how to get happiness is really unique to each individual. I know that’s not really what you want to hear, but in actuality it is a great benefit because that means that we have complete control on the ways to get happy. The reason we do have control is because ultimately this big problem deals only with us and from within us the answer to our question lies.
Unfortunately, in a single blog post I’m not going to be able to give you the answer on how to get ahead in life. What I think I can give, though, is some perspective that hopefully will become a catalyst in the way you think and look at your life. I say this because at one point I really felt that everywhere I looked I couldn’t get a break. It seemed that no matter how hard I tried to solve whatever problem I faced, it only seemed to get worse or more complex. There even came some points that I really felt that I couldn’t go on and the depression that I felt was overwhelming.
The interesting thing was that deep down inside myself there was always this ray of hope. Some little voice that told me that it would get better if I would just keep plugging away at it. There was also this other aspect of myself that would watch TV or see the news and be able to understand that what I faced was horrible but certainly not as bad as what some others did. When you saw some of the horrific living conditions or the devastating emotional traumas that other people faced, I was able to see that my situation was better.
I am the type of person, though, that believes that everything is relative. So your worst nightmare might not be a big deal to me and vice versa. As I’ve matured I figured out where this belief comes from and why it really is relevant to the way the world is shaped. The worst thing you can do is try to compare your life to another person. The feelings you feel are exactly that – feelings that need to be expressed and experienced. No one has a right to compare them to another and say that they are “less than” or “more than” what another person has experienced. Ultimately the reason for this is because it is the person that has the experience and not those outside of it. They are just watchers and may be participants on a shared level, but they are not feeling the feelings themselves so they shouldn’t define them. Feelings are meant to be felt by us so that we can have an experience that we can use to give us context and perspective of that experience.
Since I had this perspective about everything being relative, I was able to start to come to the realization that being a victim is key and defining whether or not you are happy in the life you live. When you start understanding that the victim mentality is the one that is causing that whirlwind of depression and unable to get a break that you feel all the time, you are finally able to turn your life around. The turning point that I have with all this was that I finally came to the realization that you can be a victim to what people do to you, but you are only that if you let it be defined as that. Basically what I’m trying to say is that you are the one that is allowed to let yourself be defined as the victim or not. Maybe it is time you stop defining yourself as a victim.
When you start looking at the world this way you are able to take personal responsibility over things and give yourself the chance to redefine your experiences in a way that will help you move past them. I would start having experiences and instead of seeing myself as a victim and unable to get ahead, I would decide to respond differently and ask myself what can I do not let that happen again. This trend continued and slowly but surely some of those bad experiences that were quite common would change. When I was able to see the change it would strengthen that personal resolve and grow the sense of empowerment that I was starting to have within myself.
The reason you feel you cannot get ahead in life is because you underprice yourself, don’t see yourself as important, downplay anything good that you’ve done, doubt yourself and all the abilities that you do have, and are unwilling to take ownership of the world that you live in. It is not very easy in a world where all of our experiences are outside of ourselves to be willing to take responsibility for those experiences. It is a paradox when you look at it because you are the one that is creating the experiences even though you are not physically doing it and just only receiving the experience.
The road out of the hole you have dug yourself in is certainly a steep uphill climb. The first step is that you have to be willing to take personal responsibility even if needed on the smallest aspect of your life. Do that and reach out to me to tell me about your success. Once we have talked about the success you have had, then we can discuss the failures and how you see your situation about not being able to get ahead in life. Together we can try to find the small next success, so you can see a way out of the pain you face.